Supporting Someone Going Through Abuse

• Affirm your partner and your support consistently.
• Deal with your feelings on your own and/or seek out your own support system (including counseling – see Trauma Therapy); do not lean on your partner to support you. She/he is unable to do that right now or about her/his own abuse.
• Do not pressure your partner to engage in sex or any sexual activity she/he is uncomfortable with at any time. Allow she/he to let you know what is comfortable and what is not as well as the timeframe that is comfortable for her/him. This does not have to do with you, but with the past abuse.
• Pay attention to possible triggers – did her/his behavior change when you touched her/him a certain way? Ask (without judging). Certain behaviors and/or touch will be triggering.
• Be patient. Seek counseling to gain support.
• Research about survivors of sexual abuse and/or assault.

• Listen and be patient.
• Assure the child that they are not to blame for the abuse.
• Tell the child you believe them.
• Ensure the child feels safe and remind them that they are safe now.
• Tell the child they did the right thing by telling.
• Assure the child that they did not deserve the assault/abuse (being out after curfew, going somewhere without permission, etc.)
• Address the child’s concerns and feelings of confusion, shame, fear, betrayal, and guilt.
• Communicate with the child/teen in a way that they can understand.
• Try not to force a child to talk about their experiences if they aren’t ready.
• Seek counseling for yourself and your child.
• TurnAround provides therapy services to supporters of child survivors of violence.
• Call TurnAround for support at 410-377-8111.

1. Talk to them about safety and create a safety plan
   • Identify emergency contacts
   • Identify safe hiding spots for child(ren) to access when an altercation escalates
2. Seek counseling for yourself and your child

Having non-judgmental support is vital for the healing process of a survivor of trauma, regardless of the type of trauma (domestic violence, sexual assault, childhood sexual abuse and/ or human trafficking). Your role is an important one!

It can be difficult to hear that someone you care about has survived an act of violence. There is not a perfect response, but here are some helpful tips:

• Listen.
• Be patient.
• Don’t judge or blame them.
• Use survivor affirming language, such as: “I believe you,” and “this doesn’t change how I feel about you” and/or or “this isn’t your fault.” (https://www.rainn.org/articles/how-respond-survivor).
• If the survivor is ready to report, ask how you can support them. Find information here about steps on reporting (add hyperlink to What To Expect When An Assault is Reported).
• Be supportive especially when the survivor chooses not to report.
• Encourage survivors to seek out support such counseling; remember only they can seek services for themselves in their own time.
• Help them find resources; our helpline can be a good place to start (443-279-0379).
• Check in with them periodically; don’t avoid talking about the abuse.
• Understand that most victims of domestic violence do not leave quickly, and many don’t leave at all. Do not judge or cut your loved one off; this is what her/his abusive partner often wants (isolation). Offer to be there when needed.
• For information on power and control tactics used check out our virtual learning center.

• Listen and be patient.
• Assure them that they are not to blame for the abuse.
• Tell them you believe them.
• Remind them that they are safe now. Ensure that they feel safe.
• Tell them they did the right thing by telling you.
• Listen to their feelings of confusion, shame, fear, betrayal, and guilt.
• Use age-appropriate words they can understand.
• Do not force them to talk about anything they aren’t ready to share.
• Seek counseling for them and for yourself, if you choose.
• TurnAround provides therapy services to child and teen survivors of violence and to their supporters.

Call TurnAround for support, 410-377-8111.