Supporting Someone Going Through Abuse

What to Do if Someone Tells You About an Assault

It can be difficult to hear that someone you care about has survived an act of violence. There is not a perfect response, but here are some helpful tips:

  • Listen.
  • Be patient.
  • Don’t judge or blame them.
  • Use survivor affirming language, such as: “I believe you,” and “this doesn’t change how I feel about you” and “this isn’t your fault.” (https://www.rainn.org/articles/how-respond-survivor).
  • If the survivor is ready to report, ask how you can support them. Find information here about steps on reporting. (What To Expect When An Assault is Reported).
  • Be supportive, especially if the survivor chooses not to report.
  • Encourage survivors to seek out support, counseling, and other resources. Call the TurnAround Helpline at 443-279-0379.
  • Allow the survivor to make these decisions.
  • Check in after the assault. Don’t avoid talking about the abuse. Offer to be there for them however and whenever they need.
  • Understand that most victims of domestic violence do not leave their partner quickly, and many don’t leave at all. Do not judge them. Offer to be there whenever they need you. The abusive partner often wants to isolate the victim; don’t let that happen.
  • For information on power and control tactics, please click here.

Supporting A Partner Going Through Abuse

Listen, be patient and do not judge.

  • Affirm your partner and your support consistently.
  • Deal with your feelings on your own and/or seek out your own support system (including counseling – see Trauma Therapy); do not lean on your partner to support you. She/he is unable to do that right now or about her/his own abuse.
  • Do not pressure your partner to engage in sex or any sexual activity she/he is uncomfortable with at any time. Allow she/he to let you know what is comfortable and what is not as well as the timeframe that is comfortable for her/him. This does not have to do with you, but with the past abuse.
  • Pay attention to possible triggers – did her/his behavior change when you touched her/him a certain way? Ask (without judging). Certain behaviors and/or touch will be triggering.
  • Be patient. Seek counseling to gain support.
  • Research about survivors of sexual abuse and/or assault.

Feeling overwhelmed is normal!

You may have difficulty knowing what to say or do to help your loved one; you do not have to have all the answers. There is no perfect reaction to hearing that someone you care about has survived an act of sexual violence, but here are some helpful tips:

Topics Include:

  • Listen and be patient.
  • Assure the child that they are not to blame for the abuse.
  • Tell the child you believe them.
  • Ensure the child feels safe and remind them that they are safe now.
  • Tell the child they did the right thing by telling.
  • Assure the child that they did not deserve the assault/abuse (being out after curfew, going somewhere without permission, etc.)
  • Address the child’s concerns and feelings of confusion, shame, fear, betrayal, and guilt.
  • Communicate with the child/teen in a way that they can understand.
  • Try not to force a child to talk about their experiences if they aren’t ready.
  • Seek counseling for yourself and your child.
  • TurnAround provides therapy services to supporters of child survivors of violence.
  • Call TurnAround for support at 410-377-8111.

How to Support a Child Witness of Domestic Violence

  1. Talk to them about safety and create a safety plan
    • Identify emergency contacts
    • Identify safe hiding spots for child(ren) to access when an altercation escalates
  2. Seek counseling for yourself and your child

Support A Loved One

Get Help

Having non-judgmental support is vital for the healing process of a survivor of trauma, regardless of the type of trauma (domestic violence, sexual assault, childhood sexual abuse and/ or human trafficking). Your role is an important one!

It can be difficult to hear that someone you care about has survived an act of violence. There is not a perfect response, but here are some helpful tips:

  • Listen.
  • Be patient.
  • Don’t judge or blame them.
  • Use survivor affirming language, such as: “I believe you,” and “this doesn’t change how I feel about you” and/or or “this isn’t your fault.” (https://www.rainn.org/articles/how-respond-survivor).
  • If the survivor is ready to report, ask how you can support them. Find information here about steps on reporting (add hyperlink to What To Expect When An Assault is Reported).
  • Be supportive especially when the survivor chooses not to report.
  • Encourage survivors to seek out support such counseling; remember only they can seek services for themselves in their own time.
  • Help them find resources; our helpline can be a good place to start (443-279-0379).
  • Check in with them periodically; don’t avoid talking about the abuse.
  • Understand that most victims of domestic violence do not leave quickly, and many don’t leave at all. Do not judge or cut your loved one off; this is what her/his abusive partner often wants (isolation). Offer to be there when needed.
  • For information on power and control tactics used check out our virtual learning center.

Signs of Abuse in Adults

Adults in your life may suffer from abuse from a current partner or may have suffered abuse as a child . Here is a link to signs that an adult may have been or is currently experiencing violence.

Signs of Abuse in Children

Children are vulnerable to different types of abuse. Whether it is abuse that is occurring at home or elsewhere, it is important to recognize signs of abuse in children to shield them from further harm.

What to Do if Someone Discloses to You

Disclosure of abuse is a stressful situation. These tools will help you know the next steps.

How to Support a Partner

If your partner discloses he/she is a victim of abuse, these tips will assist you in supporting your loved one.

How to Support Your Child

One of the most difficult things is for a parent to learn their child has been the victim of abuse. We have compiled some thoughts on how to support your child through their trauma and how to address your own.

How to Support a Child Witness of Domestic Violence

Whether you and your child are currently living in the home, or recently left an abusive situation there are steps you can take to support your child emotionally and to prioritize their safety.

Tips

Brief descriptions of each of the sub pages

Additional Support

Here are some suggestions for taking care of yourself while supporting someone who disclosed abuse to you.
For more suggestions for taking care of yourself while supporting someone who disclosed abuse to you visit our Virtual Learning Center.

Our Services

We provide wrap-around and therapeutic services for survivors of intimate-partner violence, sexual violence, and human trafficking. These services include case management, group and individual therapy, legal advocacy, emergency shelter, referrals, and employment readiness.

Crisis Response Services

A 24/7 crisis helpline and text line respond to a survivor’s immediate safety needs…

Trauma Therapy

Specialized individual and group trauma therapy for adults, teenagers and child…

Advocacy and Resources

Information and access to resources help survivors understand their options…

Community Engagement & Training

Educational programs and professional training on issues of child abuse…

Abuser Intervention Program (fee)

A 26-week program for domestic violence offenders that emphasizes…

Legal Services

Free legal consultation and representation on family law, civil cases, victim rights, and protective orders…

How To Support Your Child

Feeling overwhelmed is normal!

There is no perfect reaction to hearing that someone you care about has survived an act of sexual violence, but here are some helpful tips:

  • Listen and be patient.
  • Assure them that they are not to blame for the abuse.
  • Tell them you believe them.
  • Remind them that they are safe now. Ensure that they feel safe.
  • Tell them they did the right thing by telling you.
  • Listen to their feelings of confusion, shame, fear, betrayal, and guilt.
  • Use age-appropriate words they can understand.
  • Do not force them to talk about anything they aren’t ready to share.
  • Seek counseling for them and for yourself, if you choose.
  • TurnAround provides therapy services to child and teen survivors of violence and to their supporters.

Call TurnAround for support, 410-377-8111.

How to Support a Child Witness of Domestic Violence

Talk to them about safety and create a safety plan

Identify emergency contacts

Identify safe hiding spots

Self-Care for the Supporters

It is important to take care of yourself as practice your own self-care as you help your loved one. You may find yourself experiencing anxiety, fear, anger or helplessness after finding out about a loved one’s abuse.Therapy is not just for survivors; it is also for the people who support survivors. Counseling is a non-judgmental place where you can explore thoughts that you might not say out loud to a friend or family member.

What To Do If Someone Tells You About Their Abuse

When someone tells you that they have been emotionally, physically, or sexually abused, here are some ways you can help.

Do:

  • Remain calm
  • Listen carefully, without interrupting
  • If the person telling you is a child, patiently listen and then contact Child Protective Services
  • Acknowledge that you understand how difficult this may be for them
  • Make it clear that you are taking this seriously
  • Reassure them that they have done the right thing by sharing
  • Let them know that you’ll do everything you can to help them
  • Inquire about the safety of others in the home
  • Encourage them to contact TurnAround for resources, guidance, and support

Don’t:

  • Promise confidentiality
  • Interrupt or ask probing questions
  • Investigate
  • Ask the person to repeat what they have told you
  • Repeat the information to anyone else without permission, other than to Child Protective Services