Written by TurnAround Editorial Team Amanda Rodriguez, Esq., Chief Executive Officer, Jean Henningsen, Chief Communications Officer, Bella Owens, Senior Advisor, Communications & Marketing
The brutal gang rape at Cornell is now considered by some to be “complicated” because of text messages exchanged between the survivor and one of the alleged perpetrators in the aftermath. We’re here to assure the concerned public that, to advocates in this field, to the people answering rape crisis center helplines across the country, accompanying survivors to hospitals, sitting beside them in court, and to many survivors themselves, it is not complicated.
A man who repeatedly sexually assaults an intoxicated woman is still a rapist, regardless of what happens after the assault. It is an entirely normal response for someone who was assaulted while unable to consent because of drugs or alcohol to seek answers about what happened, even from one of the men who assaulted her.
They are trying to shift the narrative. When you shift the narrative, you shift the blame. Don’t let them do this.
Advocates, survivors, and allies knew this would happen. Those seeking to avoid accountability understand that once the focus shifts to what she did or did not do, public attention moves away from the actions of the rapists and their enablers. Instead, it becomes fixed on scrutinizing her reactions and decisions in the aftermath.
Yet our collective understanding of trauma and its wide-ranging impacts have grown immensely. We know trauma can manifest in ways that may appear contradictory to outsiders, but that, for survivors, can be part of reclaiming a sense of safety and normalcy. (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34275368/)
We also know there are no perfect victims. (https://www.baltimoresun.com/2021/05/04/the-myth-of-the-perfect-victim-of-sexual-assault-commentary/)
The people we work with at TurnAround, a rape crisis center with nearly 50 years of experience, are frequently judged because they used substances, as though intoxication somehow grants permission for rape. Too often, survivors are deemed unworthy of society’s compassion because they fail to check one of the boxes on a mythical “perfect victim” list, such as always being sober.
Here’s the thing: sober or not, it will not matter. They will always find another reason to discredit the survivor. Every time.
Do not measure the survivor of the brutal attack at Cornell against the fictional standard of the Perfect Victim. It is a trap. It is the ultimate “Get Out of Jail Free” card. There is simply no way for any person to meet the simultaneously narrow and ever-shifting expectations placed on survivors.
There is always something you did wrong, or some way you are considered wrong. Your race. Your sexual orientation. Your ethnicity. Your age. Your clothes. The list goes on.
Did you scream? Did you fight back? Did you run? Did you go to the police immediately? Did you go to the hospital first? Which came first? Whatever choice you made, someone will insist you should have done the opposite. And you are expected to recount your story in excruciating detail, over and over again, without deviation. You had better name names immediately, not weeks later, not months later.
We could keep writing about all the ways society tells survivors they have failed, but we won’t.
Instead, we want to speak directly to the survivor of the Cornell attack:
You have been failed.
You were failed that night and every day since, not only by your classmates and those who enabled them, but by a prevailing rape culture that makes sexual violence on college campuses and beyond so disturbingly common, and by the systems that continue to perpetuate it.
We are deeply sorry for the pain you have experienced.
To college administrators reading this: Enough is enough.
It is long past time to confront the violence occurring in your midst. The survivor in this case withdrew from Cornell after the attack. Whenever allegations of sexual assault emerge, we hear about the futures of supposedly promising young men.
What about this young woman’s future?
What about the futures of all survivors?
They are more than their trauma. They are more than the worst moments of their lives. They should not have to navigate healing alone because the institution they chose, with all the hope and promise that decision carried, has deemed them less worthy of protection, support, or belonging.
Finally, to survivors everywhere: We see you. We hear you. We stand with you.
Please reach out to your local rape crisis center for support. In Baltimore, you can contact TurnAround 24/7 at 443-279-0379.